When I read this week's prompt I was excited. I love people watching. And I love making up stories about people I watch. I've been doing it since I was a child. So this week's exercise? Right up my alley! I had chosen my 'subject' almost the moment I read the brief and had already made up a story about her in my mind. I pass this lady everyday on my morning run. She always has an air of incredible sadness. I had to write about her.
Now, I have been a little naughty and not followed the prompt exactly. I haven't described her surroundings much or her physical apperance, this story is all about the emotion.
So, what do you think?
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| image credit |
Her feet hit the pavement in a steady rhythm. Sweat dripped from her brow as she ran. Onwards into an exquisite and painful oblivion. She welcomed the solitude, the silence. For the moment it was just her...her and the long winding road. It stretched out before her like a ribbon; dark and tangled, caught in a little girl's hair.
Little girl.
She gulped, tears sprang to her eyes. A memory had joined her in isolation.
Little girl.
Images came dancing through her mind. Memories, moments, instances in time. Perfect. Beautiful.
Curls and ribbons and a sweet, smiling face. A giggle. Eyelashes tickling her cheek. A soft hand holding hers. A gentle cuddle. A soft body wrapped around hers. Sweetness and light.
Everday she ran; to try and forget, to bury the memories deep within herself. Everyday something small and insignificant would remind her.
Everyday she ran and everyday she dreamt about her.......
Little girl,
Her little girl,
Gone forever.
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Oh Lene. That's so sad. Very well written.
ReplyDeleteAnne xx
Wow - that's deep and thoughtful.
ReplyDeletelene this is just beautiful, I think I could feel my own heart breaking for this sad ladies pain :(
ReplyDeleteWow! That was powerful, I was nearly in tears by the end of it, feeling that lady's pain. Well done.
ReplyDeletegreat emotion in this one - well done, some people have such a sad time...
ReplyDeleteOh wow...my heart breaks too...beautiful writing x
ReplyDelete'Eyelashes tickling her cheek.' - ooh. So sad. The emotion was absolutely there.
ReplyDeleteJ x
Beautifully written Lene and incredibly emotional.
ReplyDeleteThis made me cry!
ReplyDeleteYou captured that instinct that we all have to be on the move when we are troubled and ramped it up to something much more emotional.
ReplyDeleteI don't have kids so can't imagine the pain of losing one but I have sat through a large number of funeral services for babies and children and witnessed the emotions that overwhelm the parents and families. I can well imagine the rawness hijacking a person at any time.
well done!
Beautiful and sad. You've done a great job of showing the little girl through the flashes of memory. I love the rhythm of the story, the way it swerves and loops, like the ribbon and the road. Great little piece Lene, really well done. :)
ReplyDeleteOh wow, that brought a tear in my eye, such emotion, such pain. Great job!
ReplyDeleteOh so sad, I had wet eyes!
ReplyDeleteI liked the pace and structure of it too.
It's really beautiful.
Lene, this is beautiful and so very heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteWell done.
As soon as you gave the first hint of where this was going, I started to well up inside.
ReplyDeleteSo sad, heartbreaking, but so well written. Great structure.
ReplyDeleteI love how you use so few words Lene but so much emotions on it. Oh, I can't help but feel the lady's sadness. Very well written!
ReplyDeleteSmiles,
Andy
Lene this piece is brilliant. It tugged on my heart strings, but it was brilliant. The amount of emotion in a seemingly innocent run turned into a memory of her deceased daughter. Very sad but you captured the moment exquisitely.
ReplyDeleteOh that was so very sad, yet so beautifully written, the emotion within your character was captured perfectly. Well done.
ReplyDeleteSad but beautiful - well done :)
ReplyDelete