Write On Wednesdays Exercise 13 - A Great One Liner...This week you need to come up with one good line to describe a part of your day. It can be 'real life' or fiction. But it must tell us 'who did what'. It has to be an amazing line, like a tiny little paper plane that must travel a big distance (figuratively speaking) with only a few folds ... Every word in that line must earn its place, or be cut as excess baggage. Let's get thinking about each sentence as though every word counts, like working one group of muscles to show how much weight they can carry.
First of all, I would like to thank everybody for their feedback about the last exercise. I'm glad that it came across the way I intended it. I'm not usually a dark person but this was one of my lowest moments....that is why I felt compelled to write about it.
After the emotionally charged atmosphere that was last week. I was hoping to lighten things up a bit this week.
So, here I go with my one-liner....I hope I've got this right!
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| Image thanks to weheartit.com |
'She danced along the edge of his memory, teasing, promising, but always slightly out of reach.'
Ooh, I'm intrigued. I hope you write more :)
ReplyDeleteLene I love this! It's like a whole story in just one sentence :)
ReplyDeleteWow, you've been a great one liner as you've said the whole thing in one sentence.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others above. There are so many places this could go. That's what a great writer does; leaves the reader wanting more!
ReplyDeletei absolutely love this! i hope you continue with it.
ReplyDeleteThat was 'purse your lips' sweet Lene! I adored it. The picture matches perfectly.
ReplyDeleteAnne xx
Oh the poor fella, I just want to reach out and grab hold of her just for him. Great line this week!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the above comments, this sentence leaves you wanting more but also satisfied as well!
ReplyDeleteI can just imagine how he is feeling, it happens to me so often with thoughts that I can't quite put my finger on... but when there is emotion in it as well, it gets so much more frustrating. You've found such a great picture to match, too.
ReplyDeleteThanks everyone! I just checked back on inkpaperpen and I stuffed up the brief completely. So much for a sentence about my day! Initially I started out writing about the viviacity of my daughter and then this sentence popped into my head. So apologies for breaking the rules just slightly!
ReplyDeleteThat sentence is beautiful! I think you should save that one for the future. And the image is so nice too.
ReplyDeleteI love the sound of the line
ReplyDeleteFantastic! It's tight, and very evocative. Great hook.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful sentence - I'd be squirreling it away too!
ReplyDeleteOh how beautiful, gives me goosebumps.
ReplyDeleteLove the photo too - perfectly matched and by no means have you "stufffed" up this week!
This might just be one of my favourites this week.
Thanks for your comments too.
Read you later x
Love it. Might squeeze in a colon there between memory and teasing, but seriously, this is a gorgeous line. Well done Lene. :)
ReplyDeleteI loved it. Don't worry about not writing about your day - I stuffed this up too this week. The point is you ended up with a gorgeous, elegant one liner. I hope you are pleased with what you came up with, Lene.
ReplyDeleteGill x