Thursday, June 30, 2011

One track mind.....

The house is quiet...well if you don't count the hum of about a million appliances and the snoring coming from the kids bedrooms the house is quiet.

My children are all rolled up cosily in bed. I've cooked dinner, fed the monsters, bathed them and forced their struggling, cold limbs into PJ's. Their hair is washed and brushed, their teeth are clean. Stories are read, they are tucked in, fears are kissed goodbye, and sleep.

I then race around, rinse dishes, stack the dishwasher, wash and dry pots and pans. Clean benches, sweep the floor and fold the washing.

And all the while I hear it calling to me, softly and quietly. An oasis at the end of my bed, my book and a cup of tea.

I'm nearly done and I start to slowly relax...almost there; a shower, my PJ's and then bliss.

But then, a car pulls up in the driveway, the garage door creaks open. Hubby is home....damn, damn, dammit.
  Mostly a cause for celebration, but occasionally, on nights like tonight, I crave a little alone time.

A kiss hello.  Not the usual perfunctory one however, this one lingers, and I know instantly what he's thinking. The embrace is also lengthy, it's his way of saying 'So, do you fancy a shag?'

After all these years it still amazes me that men are completely obsessed by 'it' and by 'it' I mean....Humping, Bonking, Shagging, Making Love, Getting Lucky, Doing the Deed, The Horizontal Mambo, Sex. I'm using a lot of euphemisms here - I'm a bit of a prude.

The Male's inability to multi-task means they can only focus on one thing at a time...and we all know what that one thing frequently is. But honestly, do they have to? Surely other things run through their heads? That can't be their one and only focus....can it?

Us women however are capable of about a million different thoughts at once. For instance here is an example of exactly what went on when Hubby and I had our 'little' embrace.

Me; 'I need to put the dishes away. This floor is filthy. I need to feed the dog. I wonder if the children are warm enough? Must do the groceries tomorrow. Are the doors locked? I wonder what to cook for breakfast in the morning?  Does my bum look big in this? Forgot to call Mum. Better check on the little people again.'

Him; 'S    E    X '

Me; 'I hope Miss Two's cough clears up. I wonder if she'll stay in her own bed? Should have changed the sheets. Oops, left a load of washing in the machine. I'll cook Chocolate Cake tomorrow. Hope it doesn't rain. Will the school holidays ever end? I could really do with that cup of tea.'

Him; 'S   E   X'

See what I mean?
I guess I should be flattered that he fancies me rotten. It is nice to think that his favourite activity is to roll in the hay with me. But sometimes, sometimes I would really love to crawl into bed with a fabulous, fun, riveting, fascinating, beautiful man book.
And that cup of tea of course.


  1. I can SO relate to this post!!!

  2. Me too! It's happened to me so many times. Why is it that it takes EXACTLY the amount of time that you are alone in the house to get everything done, and you just manage to finish it all and look forward to relaxing at EXACTLY the moment when the rest of the family is getting home? And then of course, I feel terribly guilty for thinking that way.

  3. Rolling On Floor Laughing !! !! !! Oh honey I hear you !! !! My husband reminds me of a randy teenager at the moment and it doesn't matter how many times I remind him of the numerous married couples we know who are getting NONE he still thinks he's hard done by
    Men LOL

  4. YES!! That is it isn't it?? I feel really bad when I am having those millions of other thoughts, and really should make those minute entirely about him/us, but I am just amazed at how men are created to just be so one-tracked about it, even after years and years of marriage. You really would think the novelty would have worn off!? I guess for some men, the novelty of sex with the same woman wears off and they start to look elsewhere, but it seems rare for the novelty of sex itself to wear off for men. Great post, and thanks for visiting my blog the other day!

  5. I'm the one saying "Fancy a shag?" and he's the one rushing around folding washing. The kids are my main job, so once they are asleep, I'm off duty and hoping for a bedroom romp. I'll take an orgasm over sleep any day!


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