Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Write On Wednesdays.......A Ghost Story

This week for Write On Wednesday the theme was choose your own adventure. Now, technically I was supposed to go back, choose an activity from a previous week and do that....but I've been very naughty and I chose to write a little ghost story directed at my 8 year old daughter who is right at the age of loving to be scared by such things!
I hope no one minds too much that I deviated from the actual activity!

Hopefully blogger will let me comment on every post this week, and if not I'll attempt to email instead.

image source

 Her footsteps echoed loudly, announcing to anyone listening her presence. She
stopped just outside the closed door and placed her hand upon it. The wood was
unnaturally cold, she could feel the rough grain underneath her hand and it
grounded her. Mackenzie reached for the knob and turned it - the door opened easily - she stepped inside and looked around;

Although sunlight streamed through the open window, the room was oppressing
and cold. The chill seemed to seep from the floorboards, through Mackenzie’s
shoes, into her very bones. Mackenzie could sense the baleful influence that permeated the room making the hairs on her neck and arms prickle with fear.

‘Hello?’ She called out apprehensively, 'is anyone there?’.......the seconds ticked by
as she waited for some sort of response. She knew there was a presence in the room.... she could feel it.

Then she heard something, the soft sound of somebody weeping. Childlike and
feminine, Mackenzie instinctively knew that it was a young girl. The sound was
terrible; heartbroken, distressing, it tore at her soul.

‘Can you hear me? What’s wrong?’ she called out; the weeping then became louder.
‘I want to help you!’ Mackenzie cried as she looked around wildly. Suddenly the door behind her slammed shut; Mackenzie jumped with fright and whirled around. She reached out to open the door, fumbling in her fear and desperation. Panicking, Mackenzie tried desperately to turn the knob but it would not yield. Something had locked her in!

Then she realised the child was no longer weeping. Laughter filled the room,
malicious, spiteful laughter.

Head over to inkpaperpen to read some more adventures!


  1. ooooh creepy.!!! Can't see your 8 year old sleeping at night after that one! :)
    Great sense of suspense,

  2. Really great! Sucked me in to the end. Great atmosphere & sense of foreboding.

  3. Nicely done. I love that art too. :D I think it is great to deviate when you have an inspiration... writing is writing. :)

  4. I used to love scary stories at that age too (but then used to frighten myself silly and couldn't sleep:).

    Love the picture you chose, hope there is more to this story.

  5. I would also deviate from this week's revisiting if I haven't missed last week's prompt.

    I don't know if this comment will be a positive feedback for you but i think this is the best writing you ever did. I think you'd make a good ghost story writer for kids.=)

    Sharing my smiles back in W.o.W.,


  6. I hated ghost stories when I was little. I spent many a sleep over, wrapped up in my sleeping bag, pretending to be asleep while I really had my hands over my ears to block out the story!

    The laughter at the end....Creepy! Gave me chills.

    Gill x

  7. Suspenseful! I hate it that you left me hanging :)

  8. This was great! Lots of atmosphere, great build-up, chilling end. Perfect!

  9. I hope you don't mind this feedback - I'm def no expert. I think you could make it more dramatic by removing some redundent words.
    for example:

    Her loud footsteps echoed, announcing her presence. She stopped outside the door and placed her hand gently.

    It would speed up the pace in the middle paragraph and build more suspense and "arm hair prickle".

    But maybe see what the others have to say?

  10. Eeeek! I got those creepy prickles on the back of my neck when I read the last sentence. I LOVE scary stories, always have. I can't believe this is the first time a ghost / horror story has come up in WoW! Good thinking Lene!

  11. a story like this gives me a total goosebumps!



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