Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Honesty Is The Best Policy!

It is my theory that all babies are born with an honesty gene. This gene remains dormant during infant hood and then rears it's ugly head at around the age of 3, peaking at 5 and then generally diminishing after the age of 8...until around 10, when children become masters of tact and 'the little white lie'

So, if my theory is correct, Mr 5 should currently be in the throes of brutal honesty........which he is.......let me demonstrate;

This morning, after returning from my usual run I vanished into the shower for a few moments of quiet and blistering heat. Mr 5 followed me and moments later was joining me in the shower with an array of his favourite super hero dudes...honestly, I would much prefer to shower without Batman looking on...thank you very much.

I tried to ignore his boisterous game in such a confined space and went about washing my hair as usual.

It was then that I felt a sharp poke on my bottom cheek.....
'Mum' said Mr 5 cheerfully "Mum, did you know your butt wobbles when I poke it? Did ya know that Mum? Watch Mum and I'll show you...look!'

Poke, Poke....Wobble, Wobble.

'Thanks for that mate' I muttered as I extricated myself from the shower cubicle. Yes, I did know my butt wobbled and no, I didn't need the demonstration as proof.

I swear if I listened to everything my children said I would have the worlds biggest complex;

There was the time - shortly after Mr 5 was born and Miss 8 had just started her 'honesty phase'  - that we were in a change room together. I was trying on a dress for an upcoming wedding and was having trouble finding something that didn't enhance my very obvious mummy tummy. 'Mum!' shrieked Miss 3 (at the time) 'You have the fattest tummy ever! Look it's all blobby!' Unfortunately all the nearest holes to crawl into and die were already full of other mortified Mothers out shopping with their honest children.

'Oh good girl Mummy' said she of the loudest voice in history - when we were in a public toilet together one day,  'You did three big poos!'
Needless to say we hid in that cubicle until all the other patrons had left.....it took quite a while.

Unfortunately Hubby is rarely the one 'copping it' in the honesty stakes. And when he does the children are quite complimentary; like the time we were at a friend's BBQ and Mr 5 announced to everyone 'My Daddy has a big penis'.

'That's my boy' said Hubby proudly.

My advice to anyone about to enter this brutal...but very entertaining stage.... is to lie low for a while. Avoid confined spaces where children can look at you under a microscope. Avoid public places where they can blurt to the world about all of your faults. Avoid any situation that may bring you embarrassment and ridicule....or you can develop tough skin, laugh it off and enjoy this funny, delightful and very truthful age.....just like I did.


  1. I have realised that one must develop a very thick skin to survive motherhood. If it's not unsolicited advise from the in laws it's "compliments" from the kidlets!

  2. That's so funny Lene! I think most mothers are sympathic, because we know. Others? Maybe not so.
    My eldest son was about 4 when we were on a bus together. An interesting (in a scary kind of way)looking man with a green mowhawk and tattoos up both arms was sitting near us. My son pointed (yes, pointed!) and said "Look mummy, that man has green hair" at the top of his lungs. I wanted to shrink right into the seat.

  3. LOL, Im still giggling at the toilet - Ithought my Miss 4 was bad when she has to do a running commentary on poos in public cubicles (hers thankfully) its coming now, theres another, its gonna smell bad mum...

    But surely nothing beats the night she came to me and placed both hands under my boobs, whatcha doing baby... Holding them up for you mum, they're a bit big you know! Darn That E cup ;)

  4. LMAO at the toilet episode! Kids are precious aren't they?

    Mine have often told me I have a wobbly belly or bum. I just take it in my stride. If those words were uttered to me from someone else it would be a totally different story!

  5. Ahh again - thanks for the parenting tips for stages I'm not at yet.
    Laughed out loud.
    Can't wait.


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