Today...I Was Awesome!

Everyone knows about my aversion to housework. As far as I'm concerned there are so many other things I would rather be doing....reading, drinking tea, eating chocolate, blogging, playing with the children....almost anything really.

But today something happened. Something highly unusual, something completely unprecedented. Today I cleaned. And I didn't just clean a little...I cleaned like crazy, I cleaned everything and anything...I was like a demented Doris Day.

From the moment I awoke this morning at 5:30 am until about 15 minutes ago I was a woman possessed.

I vacuumed, I scrubbed, I mopped, I wiped down surfaces, I washed couch cushions......I even attacked Mt Koziwashko. True, I was worried about tackling such a beast. There is always the possibility that I will be swallowed alive, but with sheer manpower (admittedly I bribed the children with sweets to help me) we overcame the monstrosity.

When Hubby returned from work I am quite sure he had wondered what on earth had happened to his little, lazy wifey. He was greeted by the smells of cleaning products and the sight of my rear end in the air while I scrubbed the floor...which he probably quite liked to be honest.

I dare any rodent of any description to set their filthy little paws in my abode now. If any of them so much place a whisker anywhere near this house they will hopefully die from the toxic fumes radiating from within (sorry children) or else they will die of starvation from the lack of crumbs in my carpet.

Tonight I gave myself a mental high-five, I danced a happy dance while alone (can you believe it...bliss) in the shower...sorry Hubby you probably would have quite liked that too......Tonight I'm happy that I had such a productive day. Let's just hope that it all doesn't become completely unravelled tomorrow!

The Chore Bore....

If there is one thing that is kind of 'expected' of a Stay At Home Mum - besides taking care of the children - would be to keep home and hearth neat, tidy, pristine.

Although that doesn't seem to happen in this household.

You see, I don't like housework. Quite frankly, I find it boring, hideously strenuous and a complete and utter waste of time.

It's a waste of time because the minute after I clean something up it all seems to be back again moments later. Mess, mess and more mess...all caused by those darling little creatures called children.....

Case Study #1:

Mr 11....

Quite possibly the tidiest of the four....although has the tendency to hide all his clean/dirty clothes under his bed in an untidy jumble. Either because he can't be bothered to put the clean ones in his draws or he can't be bothered to put his dirty dacks in the laundry.

Case Study #2:

Miss 8.....

Although she is a mean creator of fabulous meals in the kitchen, her clean up afterwards leaves a lot to be desired. Same goes with the clean up in her bedroom, or after she's been in the bathroom....or anywhere really. Money is the one and only motivator for this sassy young lady.

Case Study #3:

Mr 5........

Although every one of his toy cars may be precisely lined up in his bedroom, doesn't mean that he plays the same game when it comes to tidying anything else up. Typically this little guy has a strategy if he's asked to help with any job whatsoever....and that is to run away and hide....and you know what? It seems to work for the miniature monster.

Case Study #4:

Miss Tornado Two....

She's cute...and therefore exempt from anything other than being damn gorgeous.

Case Study #5:

The Mumma......

Bone-idle lazy. Adept at making cups of tea and reading large novels. Doesn't like any housework that requires effort. Quite talented at batting eyelashes at Hubby...so he does all the work. Amazing at making a huuugggee mess in the kitchen...and leaving it for the aforementioned spouse.

Case Study #6:

The Hubby....

Poor Bastard.

A Perfect Little Wifey

Image by me!

When Hubby drives home from work at night I'm sure he fantasises about the perfect scenario of domestic goddessness that 'could' be waiting for him when he arrives home.

His lovely little wifey waiting for him with baited breath, eagerly anticipating the arrival of her beloved; the king of the castle; the man of the house.

Surfaces gleaming with cleanliness. Delicious dinner lovingly cooked and still piping hot. Cold beer freshly poured. Washing neatly folded and ready to be put away. Children either quietly engaged in a meaningful activity; or better still, in bed asleep.

When he walks through the door he is greeted with adoration and a touch of reverence. His dinner and beer is served up to him and his lovely wifey (me) sits and listens to him reminisce about the hardships of his day, while topping up his beer when it dips dangerously low.

After his meal and when the dishes have been done by his 'perfect wifey', he receives a adoring back rub and then of course his fantasy ends with....well, we all know what it ends with....use your imagination.......or not......if it completely grosses you out.

The reality is much harsher and a lot less 'pretty'.

Wifey is of course eagerly anticipating his arrival...but only because she wants to palm off Miss 2 and her poopy bum as soon as he walks through the door.

Struggling and smelly child is dumped into his arms as soon as he enters the disaster zone. After negotiating the toys littering the floor he is immediately assailed by the older children all demanding his undivided attention. The never ending washing pile is, of course, thrown in a jumbled heap on the couch awaiting the non-existent moment when it may get folded.

Meanwhile, lovely little wifey is bellowing instructions to him from the kitchen while she haphazardly throws together dinner...............

'Miss 2 needs changing....It's Mr 5's turn in the bathtub....Miss 8 has a complex Math problem I don't understand....Mr 11 left his dental plate here again.....Can you set the table?'

After dinner is seen to and the craziness subsides just a little; he may get a cuddle and a kiss and a welcome home from his 'perfect little wifey'. He may get listened to as he helps her do the dishes. He may even score the back rub once the children are in bed....but only if he gives his wifey one too........and the rest? If wifey can keep her eyes open maybe that as well........if he should be so lucky.